Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
