If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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