Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
