But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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