The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize