so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
