the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
