I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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