he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
