Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
