Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
