i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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