I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
