I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
