I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
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