she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
