woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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