ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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