If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize