He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
