I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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