the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
