Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
My ATM looks so different sober.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize