My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
We were destined to go to rehab together
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
