dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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