fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
