I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
