He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
