When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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