Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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