had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
my nose is crying tears of wow.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
