You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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