I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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