That's intense
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
