Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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