it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize