You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
