i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
