There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I came so hard my ears popped.
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