just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
