Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
