For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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