There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
