exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Randomize
