Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
