My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
