if only i could text you this smell
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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