I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
