saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
