Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
