We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
