there's paper in my vomit.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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