I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
