Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
