i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
