We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
