i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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