please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
