Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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