We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
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