you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
