Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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