I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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