She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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