I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize
