Dude my mom stole all your condoms
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
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