I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
two words...techno handjob
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
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