one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
