I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
