one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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