They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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