New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
