I have demons in me.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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