I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
