booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
