Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Randomize
