I just made out with a guy for $7.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize
