Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
