YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I FOUND THE LEGS
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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