I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Randomize
