Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
