And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Randomize
